Apres-Chemo Celebration!

Yesterday Leslie and I hosted a post-chemo party for our support system. I chose a north Italian theme, and managed to produce a four-course meal. By all accounts, I did well.

We began with Antipasto. There was homemade foccacia bread, tapenades, smoked trout mousse, canellini beans with rosemary, Italian meat and cheese platters, and hearty rustic Italian breads. The primo course offered a choice of three pastas: mushrooms with a wine sauce, a lasagna, and pasta bolognase with four meats.

The segundo course was a milk roasted pork loin, stuffed roasted vegetables and roasted butternut squash. For dessert I made biscotti and a tiramisu. Now, I have never had tiramisu before, and this is really tasty stuff!

We started the evening with L. making a special drink which tasted much like a marguerita. The star of the show was the bottle; a naked female body with a Carmen Miranda type headgear. Absolutely hysterical! You mash limes in a glass, add the alcohol and then ice. It was fun!

There was much eating [though my fridge is filled with leftovers], laughter, and friendship. A wonderful evening for all.

Sheet Pans

I found some wonderful sheet pans, and they were half the cost of Williams Sonoma [even less when you consider the shipping charges] at Globe Food Service in Belmont. My google search last night didn't find a website, but it turns out that they do have one.

http://www.globefoodservice.com/

These pans are fabulous. Absolutely perfect for what I need. Check out Globe if you want to get anything for your kitchen, and don't need a fancy green box.

Could be!

Yes! I worked today on real client files!!!!! For over six hours, I worked consistently and effectively. Yes, I still needed a nap, but I didn't hit a wall. Instead, I 'refreshed' which is a very different thing.

Tomorrow, I actually have to get myself to a client office, do the six hours of work, and then get home. I believe that I will be able to do this! So darn encouraging.

And then, I need to buy some sheet pans. If anyone knows where I can get good quality sheet pans around Boston, do leave a message.

Turning the Corner?

Could it be that I am on the way back up? After waking this morning, I feel like a human being again, and this is a really good thing. I don't feel grumpy or tired; the sun is thinking about coming out after two miserable days of rain [which means emptying the buckets under our roof] and I actually feel like I could leave the house.

My to-do list is so long though that I will need to avoid becoming overwhelmed by its length; knocking off only what is actually possible. Being systematic is the key. Let us hope that my brain is up to that!

If my new energy [and optimism] hold up, I can map out my next ten days, using them well so that by the time I leave for Seattle, I will have a good foothold on all the work that I have promised my clients. They have been very patient, but a few of them are beginning to get anxious. Who can blame them? I haven't billed even one hour in four weeks now. Now, I have worked; just no billing. Didn't seem right to bill at an hourly rate since my work was so slow and well, a little dumb!

I am ready to get my brain and energy back. Here's to that!

One Day at a Time

First the good news: no fever this round. Well, it only lasted for 20 minutes, and I only made it to 99.1, so we are past that. But, darn am I tired!

Today I decided to start researching how long women who have had my protocol experience fatigue, and it appears that most women find that it takes at least a month to move on. It is concerning that some women feel that they never regain their energy fully, but it is hard to know if their lower energy levels as are due to residual chemo side-effects or the long-term drugs that most of us end up taking. I guess only time will tell.

I have been cautioned by a new BC friend to be careful not to start my radiation before I have some reserves built up. As much as I want to have the radiation portion of my treatment done before Christmas, I am paying attention to this advise more and more. Of course, I am not sure that I will really have any say in the scheduling. Dr. MaryAnn may just give me a date and time without any discussion.

The genetics counselor called today and scheduled my appointment. Evidently she has spoken with Dr. Roger and Nurse Jenn about me, and "Your case isn't urgent" was the report. I think this is good news. If I am not urgent, then maybe I am not looking at additional surgery? Needless to say, I am not projecting; one day at a time here, but my appointment isn't until December, and that is okay with me for right now.

Napping

How many hours can one person sleep in a 24 hour period? At the moment, I can only sleep for about 6 hours at a time, but then find myself crawling into bed about 5 hours later. Sleep for two hours, up for a few more before I crawl right back. The cat seems to enjoy the constant company.

I didn't know I could feel this tired, and I have some experience with being tired. I had a baby, who grew into a toddler, ran a non-profit that required at least 12 hours per day, traveled on tour, did I mention motherhood? Well, those stages of my life were only preparation for chemotherapy!

Dr. Roger and Nurse Jenn did warn me about this however, so I am not surprised. I am simply impatient. I want to feel better now!

Going to Seattle!!!!

Yup, the travel bug has hit me close to home, and I am going to Seattle. Why you ask? Because I want to. I want to visit with my friends Kristina and Gretchen who have been the linchpins of my support system. I want to spend hours laughing and giggling and getting to know their lives. And since they both live there it makes sense for me to do the traveling.

I will leave on November 5th and return on the 9th. A short visit to be sure, but I can slip it in between their treatments and mine. Knowing the departure date has reinvigorated me to get back to work as soon as I am done with the Decadron for this round. I am making a work grid to encourage productivity, creating a organizational to-do list so that I can use the Decadron days in a meaningful way, and writing to an old friend who lives right nearby.

These are good thoughts to be having as I head towards that elusive Tuesday-End-Of-Round!

Random Posting

While residing at the casino last week, my friend L. indicated that though she certainly enjoyed hearing how I was 'feeling', what she really likes best about my blog is the random postings. "Random Postings?" I asked. "Oh, like the recipes." And so just for L., I am posting the chicken pot pie recipe. Man is this good, if you like Chicken Pot Pie.

2 large whole chicken breasts [split] or 3 medium whole chicken breasts [split], bone in, skin on
3 tablespoons olive oil
Kosher salt and freshly ground pepper
5 cups chicken stock, if not homemade, boxed low sodium
8 tablespoons butter [reduced from recipe's original 12!]
3/4 cup flour
1/4 heavy cream
2 cups medium diced carrots [app 4 carrots], blanched for two minutes
2 cups frozen peas
1/2 cup fresh parsley

puff pastry or your favorite unsweetened pie crust for topping

Preheat oven to 375 degrees

Place the chicken breasts on a sheet pan and rub them with olive oil. Sprinkle generously with salt and pepper. Roast for 35-40 minutes, or until cooked through. Set aside until cool enough to handle, then remove meat from the bones and discard the skin. Cut the chicken into large dice. You will have 4 - 6 cups of cubed chicken.

In a small saucepan, heat the chicken stock. In a large pot or Dutch oven [yea, this is where we want that Le Creuset L!], melt the butter and saute the onions over medium-low heat for 10 to 15 minutes or until translucent. Add the flour and cook over low heat, stirring constantly, for 2 minutes. Add the hot chicken stock to the sauce. Simmer over low heat for 1 more minute, stirring until thick. Add two teaspoons salt, 1/2 teaspoon pepper and the heavy cream. Add the cubed chicken, carrots, peas, and parsley. Mix well. Place the stew in a 10 x 13 x 2 inch oval or rectangular baking dish. Place the baking dish on a sheet pan lined with parchment or wax paper. Bake for 15 minutes.

Cut pastry to size for the dish, and cook separately in the oven until pastry is puffed, but not brown, about 15 minutes.

Remove Chicken Stew and Pastry, place pastry on top of stew and finish cooking for another 20-30 minutes, or until pastry is brown.

To make in advance, refrigerate stew and pastry separately. Bake the stew for 25 minutes, then place pastry on top and bake for another 30 minutes.

For our purposes, we divided this stew into three containers, freezing two of them, enjoying one right away. Stolen from the Barefoot Contessa, and then modified. Delicious!!!!

Round 4, Day 3

I had several conversations yesterday that started with "Oh, I am so sorry that your last IV was so horrid." So, I should correct that assumption. Having two IV's inserted was hard, unexpected, but Nurse Judy did exactly the right thing.

Andromiacin [or however the heck you spell it on Decadron] is nasty stuff. If it gets under your skin, it burns, badly. She was right. This was too dangerous. And though the second insertion hurt more than I had anticipated, there is no pain or bruising in my hand now. Not even a little bit.

It wasn't horrid, and besides the two minutes of pain, no discomfort has followed. But thank you everyone for your concern.

Today Leslie's cousins will be arriving [we are up to two now] and I, with lots of Leslie help, am preparing a light lunch. Yes, puff pastry is involved! I started with a ham and cheese quiche, but Liza, the expectant mother, isn't eating meat now, so I have added a spinach and feta quiche to the menu. We will also serve a plate of fruit chunks: pineapple, apples and grapes.

The pies are already baked, the ham has already been cooked, the spinach has been blanched, so now we need to make the custard, grate cheese and cube fruit. For about 3 seconds I considered making a yogurt dressing for the fruit, but have decided to let the fruit sing on its own.

The best news is that I slept for 8 hours last night!!!!! I can't remember the last time I slept that long. I only wish I knew what I did differently yesterday so that I could duplicate this, but alas, I did absolutely nothing differently, so there is no key. So be it. I will take whatever is handed my way, and since this is a good thing, I will embrace it.

Round 4, Day 2

It is okay! Yes I have some vague nausea, and that dogmatic two-hour snack routine is back, but it is all so much more tolerable knowing that this is the last time!

Last night, Leslie and I headed to J.P. Licks once again for my chemo-day treat of an old fashioned ice cream soda. While there, I purchased a modest gift certificate for Nurse Judy. During my treatments yesterday, I had quizzed her a bit on places she enjoyed in Davis Square. Well, she doesn't care for the BBQ place, or Indian food, or all those spots that cater to the 'first job out of school' crowd, but she does like J. P. Licks! Today I wrote a heartfelt note and included the note and certificate in a card.

This morning, I was up with the birds once again. Decided to stick with oatmeal, since it has gotten me this far, morning med routines, and then the Decadron high kicked in. Two more snacks and it was off to the hospital for the neuprogen shot. Again, this hurt, but again, who cares? This is the last one! I gave Nurse Judy some wigs that had been given to me as gifts, and the card. She gave me a hug, and I was out of there!

Once home, more drinking [though I simply can't stand water right now] and Leslie needed to leave for a concert that was scheduled months ago. So I am home alone, and the bed is calling to me. Naps are all the rage in this house right now.

So today, for now, everything is good. I have a craving for Mac & Cheese so I will make some apres-nap, and eat it with some smoked Harrington ham. As Alton would say: "Good Eats."

Round 4: Done!

We woke early and did our normal chemo day routine. Leslie showers, wakes me up, he goes down to start the oatmeal while I use the bathroom and check the email. I creep downstairs and Leslie brings me some coffee and when the oatmeal is done, brings that too. I then take what is left of the coffee upstairs to my office, take my morning meds, shower, pack up the Emend and we are off.

We arrived on the 9th floor a little early, and the waiting room was uncharacteristically empty. Blood, weight and blood pressure checks, before being called in my Nurse Jenn.

Nurse Jenn did a great job of answering all of my questions. Turns out the open sores that have appeared on my torso are again yeast gone amok. I have a prescription for a powder which should clear this up quickly. I should continue to take the supplemental drugs for two weeks, and then see how I feel. If the chills continue for 6 weeks, I am to call her again. I was given the name of the genetics counselor. One must meet with her before any genetic testing can be done, and I will schedule this appointment. My incisions look good; no reason to call Dr. MaryJane now. I will have a new baseline mammogram in January, and Dr. MaryJane will want to see me then.

By this time the blood tests were back, and no red flags so off to the infusion room. As soon as we got there, it was clear that they weren't ready for me. I was directed to chair 12, and waited, and waited. Nurse Judy ran by throwing out an apology. When she returned she heated my hand, and the inserted the IV. Not too bad going in, really uncomfortable once it got there, and there was blood everywhere. We had a gusher! I could feel the decadron and saline solutions very distinctly. After she slowed the drip, I could feel it but not as much.

Then more waiting. The pharmacy had more orders than hands to fill them. When my drugs finally arrived Nurse Judy, with a colleague did the full dispension protocol, and it was time to push the Adromyicin. Nurse Judy knows to do this slowly on me, and still it didn't feel good. I indicated what and where I was feeling, and she shook her head. "We need to find another IV entry point. This is too dangerous to continue." And so she pulled the original, and began heating my hand and wrist again.

The only healthy vein she could find went up the other side of my arm. She accessed this vein at the outer part of my thumb, down by the wrist. Okay, lots of nerves there. Man did this hurt! A nurse assistant came by, closed the curtain and handed me kleenex. I guess I had enough in reserve for one insertion, but two, with the second one in a sensitive spot was more than I could manage.

When Nurse Judy started pushing the A, there was no discomfort at all. After 110 mg of Adromyician, the Cytoxan drip began, and Judy was off to help with other patients. Due to these delays, the total time at the hospital was 5 hours; a very long visit! During the cytoxin drip, I actually slept, and at the end I felt dizzy and well, like a chemo patient. We skipped stopping at the grocery store, which we have always done in the past, and went straight home.

I also must look like a chemo patient since people consistently opened doors for me on our way out. This never happens at this hospital.... well not to me before anyhow.

Now home, we have had the two-hour snack, I am drinking a little headache-prevention coffee, and then I plan to crawl into bed. My body and mind are exhausted.

My new mantra is "get to Tuesday" and I may mutter that over and over and over.

Round 4 is Coming

In twelve hours, I will begin my final A/C treatment. I am both filled with dread, and excited to get through this stage of the protocol. Tonight we prepared by eating salty food at the Greek Restaurant, and I am now drinking as much water as I can tolerate.

Tomorrow will be my last meeting with Nurse Jenn. I will miss her, and only wish that we had met under different circumstances. I have many questions for her tomorrow though. My skin is degenerating on my face and on my torso. I am getting open sores, and I haven't even started radiation yet. I want to know how long I should continue to take the heartburn and stool softeners, when we are scheduling the genetic tests, and if my oncologist thinks I need to have a hysterectomy. And finally, my node incision has started to hurt again as well. I suspect that this is related to the skin problems mentioned above, but I want her to look and give me some feedback. If I need to see my surgeon, I should make that appointment soon.

My radiation planning has been scheduled for November 1st. Unfortunately, Dr. MaryAnn only does radiation planning on Tuesday afternoons, one of the two afternoons that Leslie is not available. My mother has offered to go with me, but isn't completely sure that she can keep her mouth shut and only take notes. However, she has not seen me since before my surgery in August. I think she hasn't wanted to intrude, and this would be the perfect way for her to be involved and see me again. I am considering her offer and already know that in the long run, I will accept.

Friday we are having an unexpected visit from one of Leslie's first cousins, Jo, who I really like. She lives in Chicago and is coming East to see her daughter who works down on the south coast of the state. Though she generally flies into Providence, this time the flights to Boston were cheaper. After she lands, she will head to the house and visit until her daughter arrives to take her away. I am looking forward to seeing her again, and am so pleased that she called.

Ugh. I can't wait to get to Tuesday.

Home!

I am home. What a wonderful thing to be home. To be somewhere with natural air, without the C major chords of the slot machines, and have my own kitchen.

The shows went really well. I had fun seeing friends [though we are all getting much older.] And yet, there is nothing like getting back to my own house.

Happy Birthday to Me

Yup! I turned 47 in a casino, surrounded by a group of musicians singing in a restaurant. After tonight's show, we headed out for a late supper finished by a decadent chocolate dessert.

The shows are going well. Wednesday night the audience didn't give great feedback which always upsets Mr. Roll. Tonight the crowd went nuts, and so everyone is happy. Living in a casino has some benefits. Food is served 24/7 in the employee cafeteria, other people both prepare and clean up the food and dishes. We are given a per diem to use at some of the restaurants. But, the days are long, and if you don't want to gamble or shop there just isn't that much to do here.

I manage to do a walk with some effort. Had to do the zig & zag through the slot machines. I managed 1.5 miles with Beth W before the C major tremelo chord of the machines drove us nuts. Before the show, I did take another walk to get up to 3.5 miles. Walking outside is difficult here. It is raining, there are no trails even though we are beside a river, so the only option is to walk through parking lots. The casino folks clearly don't want to create any reason at all to leave this climate controlled space. The sole goal of this place is to entertain while separating you from your money.

The Good Week

What a relief to not have had 36 hours of fever during this chemo round! Too bad the fatigue level had to increase.

Fatigue is an interesting thing actually. Am I tired because I am doing too much, doing too little, not getting enough sleep at night, or from the chemo? I am not sure that answering this question is actually possible. There is no way to strip the variables from the equation.

Today I need to pack for my 6-day excursion to a casino in Conneticutt. Anyone who knows me knows that a casino is probably the LAST place on Earth that I would want to go, but this is work. I have been playing for an aging rock n'roll star for years. In the early days, we all packed into a van and played summer theatres with rotating stages, crashing at Motel 6's, and eating in nasty diners along the way. Now that Mr. Roll is in the Rock N'Roll Hall of Fame, our venues have gotten much nicer. And so we each get a luxury hotel room at the casino, a per diem for the restaurants, and an employee sledge card so we can eat as much as we want in the 24/7 employee cafeteria. Here is the kicker.... we only have to perform for 1.25 hours each day! Plus they pay us relatively well.

The band is comprised of the most wonderful group. We have been together for years, so it a social time with much laughing and, well, drinking. Of course, I will not be one of the drinkers or gamblers, but I always enjoy hanging out with this group of folks.

On Thursday, I am requiring that everyone go to dinner after the show with me to celebrate my birthday. Who would have thought that I would spend my 47th birthday at a casino, with an abbreviated breast, no hair, and a diet that consists of 1.5 ounces of food every two hours? Not me! But, celebrate I will.

I found this tumor before it moved into my system, I am managing the treatments well enough, my friends have stuck beside me, and somehow, my family has withstood the assaults of this disease. There are things to celebrate; just not the things I expected.

Quick Update

The past two days, my energy has flagged. It isn't that I have new or different side-effects, or that I was feeling worse; it just seemed like so much work to manage. There is no question that I am more easily fatigued with this round. For example, a one hour errand yesterday resulted in a three-hour nap. But, the anticipated Sunday fever only lasted 30 minutes, instead of the expected 36 hours! Maybe the long nap helped?

In spite of the energy flag, life has actually been pretty good! Lauren and her roommate have been here since Thursday night, and I love having them here. The only downside to having two teenagers in the house is that in fact, four people create double the number of dirty dishes as two. Poor Leslie has spent way too much time cleaning up after everyone.

Yesterday my dear friend H. came to visit. H. doesn't get to Boston that often anymore, and it was such a pleasure to see her. [Thanks for the pastries and visit!] Last night we all went out for a celebratory dinner and once home, had movie night. Lauren selected "Terminal" as the movie-du-jour, and it was the perfect combination of sweet and light. Today I am expecting several more visitors since I had feared that this was a Susan-Needs-Sitting day. Instead, I am feeling well and will actually be able to enjoy the visits.

Isn't that wonderful?

Rebound

Yes! I am getting a rebound today! Though I am not pushing myself today, I have made chicken stews, one of which we started eating for lunch today, the other two I will slide into the freezer. I have been watching foodtv lately, waiting for inspiration to strike. Who ever knew that food could become a burden?

For dinner, I am serving an eclectic variety of foods to please both of the younger palettes. Though we had originally planned to celebrate my birthday tonight, I think that has turned out to be too much. Between taking care of me, taking care of his clients, doing all the dishes after my cooking frenzies, and teaching his students, Leslie is totally maxed out. He has been a rock in every way, and the lack of a cake doesn't change that!

The kids are off visiting some of the roommate's relatives, and then they are heading to the Museum of Science. An unusual choice, but hey, whatever. It is a great museum, and right up the road from us. Tonight, after dinner, I think they are heading to the Rocky Horror Picture Show. [Beth, wanna join them?]

Tomorrow they plan to crack the books again. The Illiad awaits.

I am planning to enjoy this rebound since I know tomorrow night will start the slide. I have my violin out, ready to practice, and maybe a few more magazines will find their new homes.

Round 3: Taking it to the Count

Yesterday was rough. I went from my cheerful, I can do it 8, down into the 6's. All day I fought nausea with a constant infusion of yogurt and drinks, one step ahead of this beast living in my belly. Day 3 is supposed to be different! I am supposed to have my decadron inspired burst of energy. I had planned for my decadron inspired burst of energy. Magazine organizers and plastic tubs await me, but yesterday wasn't that type of day at all. And so the organizers and tubs still sit in a pile in the living room waiting for the right moment.

It isn't that I did nothing yesterday. I managed to make part of dinner, and then a huge batch of hummus for Lauren's roommate, and then a huge batch of pesto from the final basil harvest. I did an hour phone conference with a client, and actually sent them an invoice for the past two months of work. [Cash flow!!!]

Now that I have almost no short term memory, I made a grid of Susan-Sitters for Sunday & Monday, my down days. I am sure that I did more actually, but beats me what!

Being stupid really is the worst part of this treatment. Let's hope that today is a better one!

Other Random Thoughts

1. Baldness:

Yesterday, during my meeting with Nurse Jenn, she said something that totally surprised me. It was towards the end of my meeting, I was already redressed in a short sleeve shirt [which I despise by the way, but have to wear so they can access my arm.] Nurse Jenn looked at me with a small smile, her blue eyes very intense, and said, "You know this is only the second time that I can ever recall someone coming to chemo without a headcovering. The first time was just last week." What? People in the chemo infusion room don't go bald? I assumed that this was the safest place in the world to be bald!

2. Understanding

There were some new people in the infusion room yesterday. The family that I noticed the most was located in the next chair, and I would guess that they were Japanese. As expected from an Asian family, they had the curtain drawn tightly around the chair, but it sounded as though there were probably three family members congregated in there, and none of them spoke English. An interpreter arrived and the dialog was hard to believe. Whereas I can ask my nurse a host of questions, can be assured and informed all through the process, these people were given about 5 minutes of time. The nurse didn't know how to talk in a way that gave the interpreter enough information. She giggled too much. No one asked if they wanted a blanket, or if the patient was comfortable. So much of what makes me feel safe and cared for was missing from this very short dialog between the nurse and her patient because no one knew how to do this well. Later, another interpreter was used for a different family with better results, but it still wasn't enough.

3. Redesign

While the Cytoxan dripped into my veins, I felt stares. I looked up and indeed two women with perms were staring at me. Well, I am showing my baldness, okay they can stare. It was clear that they worked for the hospital since they wore landyards with ID, but they kept staring. It was beginning to feel rude. After about a half hour of staring went by, one of them approached me. "We are studying the space design of the cubicles," she said. "We weren't really staring at you."

"Would you be interested in what a patient thinks of the design?" I inquired. Reluctantly, she said "Yes." And so I was off to the races! The table attached to the chair isn't close to being big enough to actually use. It can hold either my water, or my book. Certainly not those two items plus my glasses case. And, most of us younger patients work. Couldn't we have a movable work table for our laptops? "Maybe when we buy new chairs," she stated. I said, "No no. The chairs are fine, we just need supplemental furniture on one side, allowing the nurse access to her cabinet. Cost $50 per infusion area tops." Though she looked like she had received way more into than she had ever expected, much less wanted, she thanked me before moving on.

4. Being Considerate

I arrived for my Neulasta shot early. Since we had to go to Costco for yet another prescription as well, we had left with plenty of time, just in case. As we walked into the hospital lobby, my stomach told me it was time to begin snack-preparation. We went to the lobby restaurant [Souper Soups] and bought a sandwich for the two of us to share, and then headed to the ninth floor. I was sent back to the treatment room almost immediately, 12:50 pm to be exact. My blood pressure was taken, and was MUCH lower today. Diagonally across from me was the same woman that I made laugh two weeks ago, and she waved. Straight ahead was someone new.

The new woman is an elegant woman, perhaps about 50. She looked petrified. Her drip was already started and I could see that she was cold. She was all alone. When the man with ice cream came around, she refused saying she was too cold. She asked her nurse to bring a blanket. "No problem," was the reply. Ten minutes passed, and she asked yet another person to bring a blanket. "Sure, just a sec."

When her primary nurse returned without a blanket, the woman said "My daughter dropped me off, and my husband will pick her up." Her eyes filled with tears. "I don't know how we are going to do this." At 1:30, Nurse Judy finally arrived filled with apologies since she was 30 minutes late. She was on the phone with Hospice, it had taken longer than expected.

"Judy, this woman across from me has asked for a blanket twice. She is cold, she is all alone, and she is petrified. It has been 25 minutes and she still doesn't have a blanket." Nurse Judy was pulling the Nuelasta out of the box. "I will take care of that right after your shot." I looked at Nurse Judy, "Or I will go do it right now, if that is what you want!" I laughed and said "That is what I want. I have all day if we need it."

And Nurse Judy was as good as her word. She went and got a warmed blanket, and opened it up and put it around this woman, who smiled at me and mouthed "thank you." My shot today hurt like hell for the first time. Isn't that a bummer?

Round 3

Today was the start of Round 3. Unfortunately last night was difficult. I had some type of stomach bug or food poisoning. Whatever it was, it hurt both in my abdomen and kidneys. I get this several times a year, far too random to figure out. Getting this the night before chemo was not good though. I simply couldn't get much sleep, and I was anxious that with any pain in my kidneys, Nurse Jenn might delay my chemo.

At 6 am we rose, had some oatmeal and coffee. My stomach was still unsettled, and I was not able to drink my litre of water before arriving at the hospital. The Floor 9 waiting room was much quieter than usual. Leslie and I had brought two large shopping bags of books which we left by the 'book cart', I used the restroom to get my hands clean and checked in.

Checkin was fairly uneventful, though my blood pressure is too high. :-( Nurse Jenn called me in almost immediately. Our meeting lasted a little longer since I had a number of concerns to address with her. Have I mentioned how much I admire Nurse Jenn? She is really a good person. She listens, has solutions, gives options, and her physical exams are filled with respect. Nurse Jenn agreed that my gastric distress was not chemo-based, and made note of my hydration-state.

Nurse Jenn also says it is time to be in touch with my Radiation Oncologist. I knew this was coming, but I wasn't actually ready to be forced to look to the next step. Dr. Mary Ann will be calling to schedule this appointment.

During the break that followed [my blood counts weren't back yet] we headed downstairs. Leslie went to get coffee cakes, and I found a juice to add to my water. Straight water just isn't appealing right now.

Nurse Judy did a great job again. To place the IV, she had to move up the hand away from the previous two insertion points. Almost immediately it became clear that we had hit a very sensitive vein. I could feel the pre-drip saline a lot. Nurse Judy had to slow it down, and then slow down everything that followed. Nurse Jenn also made sure that I received the entire slaine drip to help with hydration. Not a problem, but it did mean that we were there until after 1pm.

On our way out, we noticed that one bag of the books was almost empty! The 20 year old technical books still sat in the book cart. Maybe I will have the energy to sort out those books someday as a way of giving back. Who wants to read a 20-year old DOS book?

A quick stop at the Whole Foods on the way home, and I was totally exhausted. I had a quick snack of cheese, and I crawled into bed and slept for four hours. I might still be in bed, except Leslie knew that I needed to keep hydrating and woke me up with a drink.

Tonight, we headed to JP Licks for an old-fashioned ice cream soda as we did following Round 2. It is so amazing to live somewhere that you can get high-quality ice cream at 11pm. We sat at the outdoor plaza watching the young professionals walk by. Even though it is October, the weather is still warm, the square was active, and being surrounded by the signs of urban life made me happy.

So, so far, so good! I am not experiencing any nausea, but the fatigue factor is definitely rising. We shall see what tomorrow brings!

Weekend Visits & Looking Forward

Lauren's visit this weekend was really wonderful. She looks healthy and happy. As with all freshman, she has added new academic words to her vocabulary which appear liberally in her conversation. Since this was a 'good' weekend for me, we did numerous errands so that next weekend we don't have to. We found an academic version of Office which is clearly a college requirement, a bicycle helmet and reflective strips, tension curtain rods and the biggie: a winter coat.

Finding a winter coat is both essential and difficult. There are many coats out there, so why is it so hard to find one that you like? We were prepared to visit lots of shops, but started at the Burlington Coat Factory. Discounted clothing is always where you start. I walked through her size, held up coats and Lauren indicated yes/no. Once we had separated the coats this way, she began trying on. Any coat that didn't fit or that she didn't like on was returned to the rack immediately. The others we held onto tightly so that no one else grabbed them.

Lauren pared the coats down to two, and had a clear preference for a soft grey wool coat. On a lark, she tried the next size, same style, and it was perfect! SOLD!

Earlier, as Lauren looked at herself in one of the coats I had selected, she exclaimed, "Yes, it looks good, but I look like you!" I found that coat in my size and you know, it looked just like me, and it looked terrific! We managed to find two winter coats that we both really like in under an hour at the first store we visited. This may be a new record.

Sarah arrived at 4. We stopped by Capone Foods to buy three cheeses and she fell in love with this wonderful food shop. Capone's, as you might imagine, is an Italian specialty shop, though he also carries some cheeses, oil, vinegar and other ingrediants from other countries. The owner, Al [yes, this shop is owned by Al Capone,] has been very concerned about my health, and has offered to deliver his prepared foods to my house if I am unable to visit him.

Cheese in hand, we headed home. New England can have some of the most amazing weather in the world. Saturday was one of them. Crisp, clear, sunny and warm without being hot. We chose to sit in the garden and chat about this and that.

Sarah told me one story that I will share. She shares her house with D. D. is a mason who does surveying for developers, and spends his days tromping through the woods. He is strong and simply adores my sister. The house that they share is warm, while the woods outside their house are cold. Each Fall various creatures from the out of doors think they should move in to make it through the long and brutal Maine winters. This year the creatures were mice. D. set up some traps in the first floor rooms and in the morning, a trap had a mouse. Carefully, he took the mouse outside. Back inside he discovered a second trap also had a mouse.

"Oh no," he cried up to Sarah. "It was part of a couple; this is so much worse."

Leslie arrived home later, and made us a fabulous dinner. By this time, Sarah had switched to drinking wine. It turns out that at 1.5 bottles of white wine, Sarah gets very sentimental. At 2 bottles, she is teary. We didn't get farther than that though.

It was interesting. We are sitting eating dinner, and suddenly Sarah moved from her usual reserved self to this other person. What I learned is that this summer has been really hard on her. Both of her sisters have been sick; one of her sisters is on chemo. It is a lot of effort for her to come visit and I appreciate that she was willing to make the trip. In the morning, I returned her to the red line subway stop, and she was off. Less than 24 hours had expired.

Lauren packed up more slowly. She has taken Agnes to school since her October break begins on Thursday. This leaves me without a car, but for some reason I don't really need one this week. My Dad will take me to Costco to pick up my next round of drugs this morning. If I need to go anywhere else, I will either grab a zip car, taxi or bus.

Monday I was able to finish one of the long-outstanding development projects! Yea! What a huge load off of my mind. Today I will finish one more. Tonight I will send out bills, Leslie and I will go out to dinner in search of high-sodium entrees, and tomorrow I will sidle up to the Chemo Bar and do it all over again.

House is Full

Both my sister and my daughter are home, and we are all having a wonderful time together. Doesn't leave much time for reflection or blogging however. Soon enough, they will both head home and the house will be calm and quiet once again.