July 26th
Wow. I just noticed that today is the 26th; my two-month-found-a-lump mark. Maybe that is why I have been introspective today, or maybe not!
I called one of my favorite clients today to discuss Filemaker and Quickbooks integration. I have referred him to a specialist, but he can't afford me, much less the specialist. [Why are my favorite clients always poor?] He is the executive director of a therapist training non-profit in Cambridge, and I have recently written a solution for managing all their courses, students, teachers, and registrations. He, smartly, views me as more than a database designer, but as a business consultant, and uses me as a sounding board for many of his strategic decisions. He, David, knows that I took some time off because I was not well, but today he learned the name of my illness.
David's reaction was subdued, concerned, and then he offered me free counseling from his stable of therapists. He calmly discussed how many of his therapists were blown out of the water when they were dx'ed. He didn't really believe that I hadn't felt the need to talk with someone, professionally.
So, I began to wonder... where is the angst?
Before the surgery, I was bouncing off the walls. Why am I so normal now? Should I need a therapist? Could I need one and not know it? Or is the fact that I am doing something [i.e. healing] all the therapy I need? I was terrified before surgery, but not now and I couldn't tell anyone why that is.
So is there something wrong with me since I don't think anything is wrong with me? A conundrum for thought.
I called one of my favorite clients today to discuss Filemaker and Quickbooks integration. I have referred him to a specialist, but he can't afford me, much less the specialist. [Why are my favorite clients always poor?] He is the executive director of a therapist training non-profit in Cambridge, and I have recently written a solution for managing all their courses, students, teachers, and registrations. He, smartly, views me as more than a database designer, but as a business consultant, and uses me as a sounding board for many of his strategic decisions. He, David, knows that I took some time off because I was not well, but today he learned the name of my illness.
David's reaction was subdued, concerned, and then he offered me free counseling from his stable of therapists. He calmly discussed how many of his therapists were blown out of the water when they were dx'ed. He didn't really believe that I hadn't felt the need to talk with someone, professionally.
So, I began to wonder... where is the angst?
Before the surgery, I was bouncing off the walls. Why am I so normal now? Should I need a therapist? Could I need one and not know it? Or is the fact that I am doing something [i.e. healing] all the therapy I need? I was terrified before surgery, but not now and I couldn't tell anyone why that is.
So is there something wrong with me since I don't think anything is wrong with me? A conundrum for thought.
posted by *susan* at
10:21 PM
3 Comments:
I expect Dave turns out pretty darn good therapists, too, if he's smart enough to see you instead of a database designer.
I hied me off to a therapist early in this gig, but then I'd been working with her for something like six years, so it was a natural. For what it's worth, I'd say you'll know it when you see it. Sounds like your music fills the bill pretty well now.
By
The Green Cedar, at 8:01 PM
If you are handling things well, then you are handling things well, and nothing needs to change, in my opinion. You have surrounded yourself with things and people that you love, you are pursuing your passion (so glad that the violin is going well), and you're reaching out to others in the same boat. It sounds to me like you've got a great handle on things! You don't need angst in the midst of such beautiful things in your life - for cancer is not your life, just one component of it, and the other things in your life will compensate.
Ryan's therapist wants me to see another therapist to work on my cancer issues, but I am holding off. I don't really have cancer issues - I can't believe I've held it together and feel emotionally well at this stage. The time will come, but to me, that time is not now. Now that Ryan is through part of his crunch time - he feels better by the day again, I think - I'm optimistic for his future, and that makes me rest easy for my own.
K
By
Kristina, at 1:54 PM
Forgot to mention...I found my lump on May 25 at 10:30pm, which is actually 1:30am on May 26, your time. So I guess we found our lumps the same day!
By
Kristina, at 2:34 PM
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