Dribs and Drabs
I have finally admitted to myself how disappointed I am that my surgeon was unable to tell me that there was absolutely no evidence of disease. When you have cancer, those words are the holy grail. Unlike other moments of realization, this one didn't make me sad. I am not gnashing my teeth or screaming "why me?" It is just another data point on this road.
I am now 8 days post-surgery, and I still need help showering and dressing. I am still unable to squeeze with my right hand making writing with a pen impossible. [I am so behind on thank you notes!] I am able to lift some things with my right hand, but my left arm is doing most of the work these days.
In the past week my left arm/hand has learned how to: do up buttons, brush remaining hair, open and close car doors, control scissors, turn pages of books, get me into bed and control a spatula. I tried tossing food in a fry pan with my left hand, but that was a total disaster and when I am stronger, will mean cleaning the stove top. It seems too bad that in kindergarten, I was tapped with a ruler anytime I used my left hand to manipulate crayons, etc. Both of my sisters are left-handed and I suspect that if I had been left alone, I would be ambidextrous. I could use that skill right about now.
More violin playing this morning though! I have pulled out some old etude books so that I can get back into good playing shape. Unfortunately, I am missing two favorites. I must have lent them to students and forgotten all about them. I can replace them on Monday when Yesterday Service is open.
It has become clear that the non-incision pain I am experiencing in my right upper and lower arm is not chafing. It is nerve damage or nerves rebuilding or something. Rubbing a little moisturizer is not going to fix this. So, I am going to call the Breast Center and talk with Judi the Nurse Oncologist about this. I want to know if these sensations are normal, am I making things worse if I push my mobility, etc etc etc. My new friend Gretchen has a Physical Therapist working with her, and I am now wondering if this might not be a good idea for me too. I would hate to lose flexibility just because I didn't know about an exercise or two.
Todays Shaw Walk went well. We actually needed to buy some items, but my fears are being realized. Was it three days ago I saw that bagel chip display? Today I succumbed and bought some. For lunch I made some chicken salad from our left over roasted chicken.... very little mayonnaise, a little olive oil, pickles and onion and served it atop local red leaf lettuce accompanied by crispy little bagel chips. Last night I made some mint iced tea and had some with my meal. Now that is a lunch!
The weather today is New England perfect. 75 degrees, 42% humidity, a light breeze from the ocean, and clear as a bell. This is why we tolerate winter... just for days like today. In response, we are firing up the grill [well, we do that year round and it isn't weather dependent,] grilling some burgers, making some cole slaw and grilled zucchini, along with a tomato salad that Lauren really likes. Our good friends will join us for supper and they are bringing ice cream. It was noted that a pixie-do viewing was incentive for coming in town to see us!
The official photographer of all things hair related has been too busy working every available hour to take a picture of the pixie-do for web viewing. Lauren is determined to go to college with some cash in her pocket and has been regularly working way more than the standard 35 hours a week. Maybe tonight I can get her to help out with the camera.
I am now 8 days post-surgery, and I still need help showering and dressing. I am still unable to squeeze with my right hand making writing with a pen impossible. [I am so behind on thank you notes!] I am able to lift some things with my right hand, but my left arm is doing most of the work these days.
In the past week my left arm/hand has learned how to: do up buttons, brush remaining hair, open and close car doors, control scissors, turn pages of books, get me into bed and control a spatula. I tried tossing food in a fry pan with my left hand, but that was a total disaster and when I am stronger, will mean cleaning the stove top. It seems too bad that in kindergarten, I was tapped with a ruler anytime I used my left hand to manipulate crayons, etc. Both of my sisters are left-handed and I suspect that if I had been left alone, I would be ambidextrous. I could use that skill right about now.
More violin playing this morning though! I have pulled out some old etude books so that I can get back into good playing shape. Unfortunately, I am missing two favorites. I must have lent them to students and forgotten all about them. I can replace them on Monday when Yesterday Service is open.
It has become clear that the non-incision pain I am experiencing in my right upper and lower arm is not chafing. It is nerve damage or nerves rebuilding or something. Rubbing a little moisturizer is not going to fix this. So, I am going to call the Breast Center and talk with Judi the Nurse Oncologist about this. I want to know if these sensations are normal, am I making things worse if I push my mobility, etc etc etc. My new friend Gretchen has a Physical Therapist working with her, and I am now wondering if this might not be a good idea for me too. I would hate to lose flexibility just because I didn't know about an exercise or two.
Todays Shaw Walk went well. We actually needed to buy some items, but my fears are being realized. Was it three days ago I saw that bagel chip display? Today I succumbed and bought some. For lunch I made some chicken salad from our left over roasted chicken.... very little mayonnaise, a little olive oil, pickles and onion and served it atop local red leaf lettuce accompanied by crispy little bagel chips. Last night I made some mint iced tea and had some with my meal. Now that is a lunch!
The weather today is New England perfect. 75 degrees, 42% humidity, a light breeze from the ocean, and clear as a bell. This is why we tolerate winter... just for days like today. In response, we are firing up the grill [well, we do that year round and it isn't weather dependent,] grilling some burgers, making some cole slaw and grilled zucchini, along with a tomato salad that Lauren really likes. Our good friends will join us for supper and they are bringing ice cream. It was noted that a pixie-do viewing was incentive for coming in town to see us!
The official photographer of all things hair related has been too busy working every available hour to take a picture of the pixie-do for web viewing. Lauren is determined to go to college with some cash in her pocket and has been regularly working way more than the standard 35 hours a week. Maybe tonight I can get her to help out with the camera.
posted by *susan* at
2:29 PM
2 Comments:
I'm trying to learn to haul a shoulder bag on my left shoulder...I don't think God made shoulder bags that way!
Information about nerve endings keeps going in one ear and out the other (you should definitely talk to the pros), but what I think I know is that they recover slowly and some never do. I no longer have the discomfort in my upper arm that I had post-surgery, but it still feels funny.
I'm rapidly becoming an advocate of PT -- as cranky as I get about getting off the couch and doing something. I hope you find a solution that works well for you.
Sounds like New England and the Pacific Northwest are twins this weekend. Lovely weather!
By
The Green Cedar, at 11:25 PM
I too desperately wish to hear that there is no evidence of disease. Yesterday, I told my doctor, very directly, that I did not want to hear any numbers associated with my prognosis. The problem with the numbers is that unless they say "You have a 100% chance of living to be a healthy 100 years old" they discourage me. I have some recall of the numbers that apply to my situation, but then I realize that they don't apply to ME at all. The numbers are pre-Herceptin, pre-dose-dense, made for "average" breast cancer patients. I'm not average. I'm me. So, at this point, here's what I think: I no longer have breast cancer. They took it all out with the surgery, and the rest of the work that is to be done is simply insurance. If it comes back, that means it came back, but right now, I'm cancer free and working hard on staying that way. It is what it is. I'm not sure if these words are helpful to you, they're just the philosophy that works with me and you, Gretchen, and I are as different as the many varieties of wildflowers that grow on the springtime slopes of Mount Rainier - much in common, but differently shaped, sized, colored, petaled. The similarities allow for differences, but I thought maybe my thoughts would help you or at least help you form your own ideas on this topic. :-)
Hugs, Kristina
By
Kristina, at 2:06 PM
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