Learning How To Cope

It has been 7 weeks since I learned about my progression. It has been 6 weeks since my first Faslodex shot. I am still not reacting... I am not crying, I am not worrying, I am just flat. This doesn't mean I am not alive actually. I am enjoying the garden which is flourishing out there. I am enjoying the fact that Leslie is spending more time with me as I cook in the kitchen. I have enjoyed our weekly trips to the Farmer's Market.

But, I have no true joy. I am not investigating Rails with the extra time I currently have. I am not finding little projects to do around the house. I simply can't find even a little bit of ambition to work with. I even have some paid work that I am having trouble 'getting to.' And trust me, it isn't because I don't have the time. And it isn't because we don't need the money.

I am still sticking to my "not tell anyone" strategy. I didn't realize how hard this would be. Not telling people, the same people I am closest to, about what I spend at least 40% of my brain time thinking about. Though I know this isn't technically lying, it sure feels like it. Something like I am telling the truth, but not the whole truth, if that makes sense.

One thing I am really enjoying is contact with other people. Of course, I spend most of each day in my own little office without another chatting friend in sight. My Seattle friend is close. I email her constantly, but face-to-face is better. I need to work on figuring out how to find more folks to just chat with, out there, in the real world.