More Waves

So, it has now been two weeks since my dx was confirmed. I am surprised by how quickly I have just gone back to life. And I am also surprised how often I am startled by the realization that I am sick.

The lying has become easier. I have actually lied four times. Of course the subject would not have even come up if I weren't having this surgery on Friday. So, when they ask if the cancer is back, I lie and say 'no.'

Since I have decided to keep this all a secret and I feel like I am lying to my family too. I haven't directly of course.

I have added more layers to that onion. It is complicated to keep yet another part of my being from all of them. I wish I was surrounded by a supportive family. Surrounded by love. But this isn't something they can give me. They just don't have that capacity and it isn't fair to ask this of them.

And finally, the fatigue is really hard to deal with. I don't know if this next level of fatigue is due to the faslodex or my body's way of facing the progression. We'll see what the blood markers have to say in a couple of weeks.

Until then, I am finishing up some work and looking to the surgery on Friday.