Lost

I am lost right now. Is that the right term? I am filled with feelings and thoughts. I am having entire conversations in my head. I have no one to talk to.

My good friend, Kristina, has been wonderful. By email, we are communicating. But she is ten years younger than I am and in a totally different place. Her life is filled with a young child, family, moving out of cancer-land. Her job is to take care of them and herself, not to take care of me emotionally. Her input and support is invaluable, but I have no right to burden her. And it simply isn't fair for her to be pushed into this role. I am already asking too much of her. [She would disagree, but she doesn't know when to say 'no.']

How do I choose someone to be there? How can anyone who hasn't been through a cancer experience help or tolerate the endless babbling? Where does one find this magical person? It would need to be someone that I can help to so that the relationship was balanced. I could probably pay a therapist, but why... I don't need therapy really. I need a friend.

p.s. My husband of course talks... but this all makes him so sad. He can't focus for hours afterwards. It needs to be someone whose world won't collapse as a result of this diagnosis.