Bad Week

Sunday and Monday nights, no bloating, no swelling, slept well. Tuesday though, a new and different story. The pain began around 4:30 in the afternoon, and it didn't stop. Wednesday, the radiation crew was very concerned, and after some blood tests, they sent me straight to the emergency room.

That was a long day. They finally released me at 8:30 in the evening, having ruled out anything that might blow up inside of me. By Friday, I had not had anything to drink or eat for the entire week, and my primary doctor made is really clear that I must start to drink something. He gave me some drugs, and sternly told me that just like during chemo, I must drink every two hours. And so last night I started. I am still totally exhausted, I have a fair amount of discomfort, but I have staved off the dehydration. I also have a referral to a GI specialist. There is a lot more, but it is all so boring and tedious. Bottom line: no one knows what is causing this, how to prevent it, or how to make the pain go away.

I had to get a sub for my weekend gig [which I hate], delay database installs [which I hate], and I think I simply slept for three days in a row.

I want my body back! I have played by the rules here, and I want something back in return. I am tired of seeing my husband so upset and concerned. [And was he a gem this week, staying with me during the numerous appointments and tests!] I want to get back to something stable. I get that I won't have the 60 hours a week of energy that I once did, but can't I rely on 20? 15? My clients are getting irritated now and I don't know how to tell them the Cancer Rollercoaster isn't playing by my rules, but rules that I am not allowed to see.

Okay, I am not going to rant anymore, and am trying to regain my optimism and good outlook but with each wrench of my stomach my determination wanes.