Dr. Roger Speaks

Today was my first post-chemo follow up appointment with Dr. Roger, my medical oncologist. For no particular reason, I was anxious. Took some time to fall asleep last night, I was edgy this morning, yet, I did not actually expect any bad news.

I remember the first time I hit the '9' in the Shapiro Building elevator. It was part of a journey towards a core realization that I had breast cancer and life was never going to be the same. Today, hitting the '9' feels no different than ordering a turkey sandwich. It is part of my life, and the sense of dread has been replaced with familiarity. We sat by the fish tank, and watched the three brilliantly colored fish swim in figure eights, back and forth, back and forth. Check in was the same as it had been for my chemo infusions; weight, blood pressure, temperature. [Yup, officially have lost 15 pounds!] No bloodwork, I was told. Dr. Roger orders blood after his meetings with patients.

Of course, I needed to change into a lovely hospital gown and Dr. Roger appeared. He did a very gentle exam, avoiding my treated breast since it is so red and fiery. He spent a fair amount of time massaging nodes, and then I had my first official breast exam of the other breast. When we moved to the desk, Leslie was not called even though he had specifically accompanied me to hear what is on the agenda.

Dr. Roger suggests Aloe Vera as soon as the burning subsides. He asked about any joint or muscle pain, was clearly pleased that I have been randomized into the Aromosin group since his patients have far fewer muscular/skeleton problems with this AI. And then I asked him how we would know how I was doing; how are we looking for recurrence [first time I had said that out loud!] He will rely on checkups every 6 months, history, symptoms and blood work. He will not order expensive scans unless there is something that triggers concern. I then asked him "Who do I call if I don't feel well? Do I call you, or my primary?"

Dr. Roger explained that in reality, even if I call my primary, their waiting times are longer, and many patients end up heading back to the ninth floor because the team there is so accessible, and they get test results back really quickly. But, a sore throat is a primary doctor issue, while anything that relates to joint or muscle pain is an oncology issue. He cautioned against calling too quickly and then he cautioned about being too stoic. It was sad to have to tell him that I haven't had the energy or will to play my violin. He worked so hard to make sure that I would have this option at the end of treatment. We talked about getting some of my arm mobility back again; when to start my exercises again, post-radiation.

And then, Dr. Roger leaned back and told me that at least for a time, the fear of recurrence would be real, but that we have done everything possible to get this beast the first time. "We have treated you with the latest methods, and we hope that this is enough. Now you need to live your life again," he concluded.

I am now cancer-free!