This isn't all about me
I am married. I have been married for 23, almost 24 years, to the same man. I just realized this week that I have known him for more than half my life and have been married for exactly half. That is quite an accomplishment. And if he asked me to marry him again tomorrow, my answer would still be 'yes.'
When we were first married, we were partners in everything. We performed together, we created businesses together, and almost every waking moment was related to our 'work.' We defined the 24/7 marriage. There wasn't much balance in the traditional sense, but together we were dedicated to our art. We moved around the country following the work. We began in Texas, moved to Montana where our daughter was born, and then it was onto North Carolina. For six years we moved around NC serving as visiting artists for the State. It was a wonderful life.
In a State that consistently voted for a man like Jesse Helms, it wasn't too surprising when our jobs were eliminated after the Mapelthorpe controversy. Once we sold our house, Leslie and I sat down and asked "where do we go now?" Our daughter would be starting kindergarten in the Fall, my sister was fighting cancer back home in Boston, and we didn't have jobs. Leslie said, "Let's go to New England. There is no place better."
Leslie is originally from Georgia. When I first met him, he didn't think he wanted to live north of the Mason/Dixon line, and yet our first job was 90 miles from the Canadian border. And here he was suggesting that we go North.
We moved North where I found work as an arts administrator. We were no longer the 24/7 couple, and our relationship was forced to change. We have adapted over the years, finding a new balance as we have grown older together.
Right now, we are living in a drafty old house that seems to leak water from both the roof and basement. I used to joke that I wanted to be taken out of this house in a box. Doesn't seem so funny anymore though. But I still have that sentiment. This is my house. It is where I want to live for the next 30 years.
Leslie and I approach many of life's problems differently. He deals with the things that are directly in front of him, while I project all the possible outcomes, sweat the things that might [or might not happen], and create lists. Most of the time, we balance each other. I become frustrated that he hasn't considered different outcomes, while he thinks I have expended energy needlessly.
However, what I know in my heart of hearts is that Leslie will be beside me no matter what. We may not be a 24/7 couple anymore, but we are in this together for the long haul. Neither of us is going to abandon the other if times get tough.
The next few months are going to be a test of our devotion, yet I have no doubt that we will come out on the other side intact.
For those of you I have never met in real life, here is the short version of what we do. Leslie teaches cello at several schools, performs with local ensembles, and restores and repairs string instruments from his home studio. Though I was an executive director of two non-profit music schools when we first moved North, for the past 8 years I have run a small database development firm and I continue to perform violin professionally. But the real money is in the database work. I love this work. Every client has a new and different problem they need to solve, I learn new businesses and I can arrange my schedule since much of my work is done from home. My schedule is both mother and family-friendly. We are able to eat dinner as a family each night taking an hour each day to devote to one another.
Maybe I will post recipes here. We are all good cooks in this house, and cooking gives us all great joy!
When we were first married, we were partners in everything. We performed together, we created businesses together, and almost every waking moment was related to our 'work.' We defined the 24/7 marriage. There wasn't much balance in the traditional sense, but together we were dedicated to our art. We moved around the country following the work. We began in Texas, moved to Montana where our daughter was born, and then it was onto North Carolina. For six years we moved around NC serving as visiting artists for the State. It was a wonderful life.
In a State that consistently voted for a man like Jesse Helms, it wasn't too surprising when our jobs were eliminated after the Mapelthorpe controversy. Once we sold our house, Leslie and I sat down and asked "where do we go now?" Our daughter would be starting kindergarten in the Fall, my sister was fighting cancer back home in Boston, and we didn't have jobs. Leslie said, "Let's go to New England. There is no place better."
Leslie is originally from Georgia. When I first met him, he didn't think he wanted to live north of the Mason/Dixon line, and yet our first job was 90 miles from the Canadian border. And here he was suggesting that we go North.
We moved North where I found work as an arts administrator. We were no longer the 24/7 couple, and our relationship was forced to change. We have adapted over the years, finding a new balance as we have grown older together.
Right now, we are living in a drafty old house that seems to leak water from both the roof and basement. I used to joke that I wanted to be taken out of this house in a box. Doesn't seem so funny anymore though. But I still have that sentiment. This is my house. It is where I want to live for the next 30 years.
Leslie and I approach many of life's problems differently. He deals with the things that are directly in front of him, while I project all the possible outcomes, sweat the things that might [or might not happen], and create lists. Most of the time, we balance each other. I become frustrated that he hasn't considered different outcomes, while he thinks I have expended energy needlessly.
However, what I know in my heart of hearts is that Leslie will be beside me no matter what. We may not be a 24/7 couple anymore, but we are in this together for the long haul. Neither of us is going to abandon the other if times get tough.
The next few months are going to be a test of our devotion, yet I have no doubt that we will come out on the other side intact.
For those of you I have never met in real life, here is the short version of what we do. Leslie teaches cello at several schools, performs with local ensembles, and restores and repairs string instruments from his home studio. Though I was an executive director of two non-profit music schools when we first moved North, for the past 8 years I have run a small database development firm and I continue to perform violin professionally. But the real money is in the database work. I love this work. Every client has a new and different problem they need to solve, I learn new businesses and I can arrange my schedule since much of my work is done from home. My schedule is both mother and family-friendly. We are able to eat dinner as a family each night taking an hour each day to devote to one another.
Maybe I will post recipes here. We are all good cooks in this house, and cooking gives us all great joy!
posted by *susan* at
10:14 PM
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